I was hoping that someone might be able to help us out a little. Kasha has been gone for just over two months now and as some of you will remeber, she is survived by her 11 year old brother LeStat and our kitten Riley. I posted LeStat's story a month ago. He was badly abused as a kitten and developed an understandable fear of humans. He relied on Kasha's courage and strenght (sheer determination and stubborness is what it really was ) so much. He rarely did ANYTHING without her doing it first.

When Kasha died LeStat was devastated. I posted my worry for his state of mind and peace of heart more than once. He was depressed and lonely....he had lived his entire (happy) life with Kasha. He sadly found no comfort in Riley as the two of them are not what you would call friends. Riley bothers him day and night and we think he toleralts it more out of fear than respect.

The problem I have with him now is that he STILL hasn't come out of the bedroom (other than for meals and to use the kittylitter) since Kasha passed. He sleeps with me at night but there's not a lot of attention for him while I'm sleeping (don't get to do too much of that with a new baby). I try to spend a lot of time with him every day... some days are easier than others but nothing I do seems to work. I didn't adjust his routine because I didn't want to upset him even more but I'm at a loss. I have one terrified, lonely, depressed kitty lying on my bed and it's killing me to be unable to help him.

Although my son is doing much better than he was, he still has something wrong with him that is yet to be diagnosed. He still, on occasion, screams in pain and there's nothing I can do but hold him and wait for it to pass. I whisper in his ear "it's ok sweetheart....mommy's here...I wish I could fix it for you". It breaks my heart to hear him cry like that....and now I'm doing it with LeStat also. I have two little ones in my life (LeStat suffering much more than my son) who are in pain and I can do NOTHING to soothe either one of them.

If anyone can offer advice on how to help a surviving pet through the loss of a lifelong friend I would very much appreciate it. I know many of you have gone through this with your other furry ones.

Thanks a million,
Kristie

I might suggest adopting an adult cat. With adult cats their personality is already established so you may be more successful in finding a mellow cat that is tolerant of other cats. Of course your kitty now may eventually settle down and coexist with LeStat, but obviously it is not a certainty and it may take years. I might also recommend buying a product sold at large pet store chains. It is called Feliway and it is pheromones from female, lactating cats. I've been using it since Romeo died and Juliet is more lovable and more secure. I would recommend the "plug in" version which acts like a "Glade plug in". 1 unit is sufficient for 600 sq. feet.

Kristie,

My heart goes out to you. I feel so bad for LeStat. I give animals a lot of credit. I think they are as capable of complex range of emotions as humans are. I hope that he just needs time, like we all do when a loved one passes. Does LeStat know that Kasha is dead, or does he perhaps think she is missing? I don't know which way would be better from his point of view

I'm in the opposite dilemma. I kinda wish my cat Woody would mourn Punky. He hasn't cried once or shown any signs of grieving. I know that he does cry when he's upset. But with this, he just still meows to be fed and acts like he always had. It makes me sad, because he used to show affection and play with his brother Punky, and I know he loved him. I brought him to Punky's body after he died, which he gave barely a sniff before walking away and lying down at the end of the bed. I wish I knew what was inside his head.

Just keep giving your LeStat lots of love. His little world has probably crashed down around him

-Punky's Mom

To Punky's mom,
I did not get much of a reaction from my cat's 2 friends at his body either. I think
cat's "know" that that body isn't their friend. I think it is only a shell to them, as
the other cat's spirit has moved on, and they know it.

I was just reading on a local animal protection organization about a 10 year old
cat that grieved for months when its elderly owner passed away. The cat is just
now coming around about 3 months after the fact. I was reading her story because
the cat looked so much like my baby.

I'm sure it will just take Lestat some time, like it is taking with all of us.

I would think seriously about bringing in an adult cat to this situation. It could be an all out fight for territory, and have the opposite affect that you are looking for. I believe that our cats know when their loved friends pass away and probably have a little more insight than us humans do. Last night Rick was watching Bast, my female cat that adored Bubba, she was sniffing bubba's urn and pawing at it, like she knew it was his remains. It was very odd but it also made me think that his little spirit is here with us. If I were to bring in another cat it would be a Kitten. Cats seem to have much more patience with the babies than they do with an adult cat. Kittys seem to wake the old ones up and they play more too......

I have 4 cats...Wolfie never really cared for Shiloh, so her passing was pretty inconsequential to him. My other 3 cats grew up with Shiloh and loved her dearly. Calvin stayed with Shiloh thoughout most of the euthanasia, and Strappy stayed with her until she had passed, but Hobbie didn't want to be around. I thought that out of the three of them Hobbie would miss Shiloh the least, but I think Shiloh's passing has been really hard on Hobbie. Shortly after Shiloh died, Hobbie started pulling the fur out on her back. I took Hobbie to the vet, and after a thorough exam, the vet concluded that it was an emotional reaction. My vet recommended that I give Hobbie "Rescue Remedy." It's a natural herbal mixture that reduces anxiety. I mix a couple of drops in about 8 oz of water for her. Much to my amazement, it's helped. You can buy it at any health food store. I've also been giving Hobbie some extra attention...that's probably helped, too.

Dear Kristie,
I do not mean to alarm you but maybe you should take LeStat to the vet. He might have an infection or something. I just took my daughter's toy poodle to the vet because she was so sad looking and her voice had changed sounds she was making snoring sounds while she was awake. He said that she was missing Snookie and Chili Bean because they all lived together for the most part and he said their immune gets weak when they are suffering loss and often times they get sick. Gypsy Rose has an upper resp. infection, a fever and 2 loose teeth. Poodles often have bad teeth. He was going to pull them Thursday but now I can travel the 160 round trip with the snow and ice. He told me like people only time will heal her broken heart. So maybe LeStat has something wrong that a vet could see right away.
Love, Ann

Thanks to everyone for the sound advice. I appreciate your help.. I don't think we will get another cat right now, even though LeStat seems to crave company. He is territorial but he's also a chicken (called so with love) and usually doesn't even try to defend what's his...even if he wants to. Yesterday he only came out for food once or twice and when he got there Riley had decided to help herself to his food (she's not picky:). LeStat was quite upset with the fact that she was not only eating out of HIS dish but was eating ALL of his food. He looked to me for support but didn't even ask her to move. He kind of danced around her for a few minutes and then sat down patiently to wait for her to finish. It really troubled him but he didn't do anything to stop it so I, of course, helped him out by distracting Riley. I think another adult cat might be too much for him all together.

I went out and got a "rescue spray" today at Pet Smart. I hope it's the right thing...no one there knew anything about it. I was told it was to stop cats urinating in the house when they go through periods of stress. It's supposed to calm them and act sort of like a anxiety reducer, like you sugessted Kathleen. I hope it works to make him feel a little better.

I have seriously considered taking him to the vet for a check up but a trip to the vet is the most stressful thing I could put LeStat through. He is terrified (literally) of people, doesn't like to be touched by anyone unless he asks first, hates the car, hates the carrier (I don't even think I could put him in there...the last time I used it was when I took Kasha in), and needs a sedative before being picked up or held down. Any kind of sedative makes the trip 'ok' for him but they make him quite ill for a while afterwards. I once had a vet who was kind enough to come to my home to treat LeStat but she's out of practice and I can't find another. I really never even considered that LeStat was sick, and I don't think he is. All of this behaviour is quite indicative of his personality. Maybe I need a pet psychologist....
Anyway, the point is that I don't want to put him through all that trauma if he's just depressed and not ill. But now I wonder.....(thanks Ann...food for thought)

I suppose it is true...that only time will bring him around again. I just wish he wanted to re-join our family. It's so sad to see him there, all alone...but if that's what he needs I'm happy to give him his space. I'm just so afraid that he'll give up, he's not a young cat and had varied health concerns of his own. Do animals ever really die of a broken heart? I couldn't stand it if I lost him too.

Thanks friends,
Kristie

Punky's mom,

Your Woody is beautiful! Thanks for sharing the picture of him. I'm just (finally) got a digital camera. Once I get the software loaded I'll post a pic of my two.

In the PetSmart near me the rescue spray was in a red and white bottle, if it is the same one I am thinking of. The "Feliway" was located a shelf or 2 above it. The rescue spray sounds similar to the Feliway. The reason my preference is Feliway is two fold. Firstly, you will obtain more efficient coverage by using the plug-in. A plug in lasts for approx. 1 month. The second reason for my preference was that the Feliway is the only one sold in veterinarians offices, although the packaging is different at the vet's.

Please let us know if it is working.

I hope that LeStat is able to rejoin to the family soon. Maybe he needs the time by himself. My vet told me that animals sense when something isn't right in their home. I was concerned about Bear because he and Sonnie had been pals for five and a half years. We were also worried about Peaches the cat because she attached herself to Sonnie like a jealous girlfriend. Doc said to give them time - they have to adjust to him not being there. He also said that the fact that Rob and I are upset is upseting to them. In your instance, losing a family member and trying to adjust to your new son is probably traumatic. I hope the rescue spray works for you. It sounds like you need some peace at your house.

Keep us posted.